Let Me Count The Ways

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day is always a popular holiday, especially for people in a relationship, whether is it a new one or a long term relationship.  People’s thoughts turn to romance and romantic notions. Cards, candy and flowers seem to top the list.  And poetry.  Seems like when people are in love, they want to write poetry to each other.

“How do I love thee?  Let me count the ways. I love thee depth and breadth and height My soul can reach”

Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s words are sweet, but honestly, I am not much of a poet. Poetry is not my strong suit.  But I know a lot about love and a little about romance. So in honor of Valentine’s Day, instead of poetry, I will offer a little prose about a love story.

This year marks the 36th Valentine’s Day that I have spent with a beautiful, loving and wonderful lady, my wife Jo Ann.  For the past 33 years, she has been my wife, my best friend, the mother of my children, my rock and my confidant. She has also been my partner in crime, my biggest supporter as well as the one person who can bring me down to earth when my head gets too big.  In short, she has been the love of my life.  And, I am thankful everyday for that.

Our story starts on day in December, 1979.  I was working for Mike Cotton at the old Live Oak Supermarket. One afternoon, in walked a beautiful girl with long brown hair and bright green eyes.  I could say something quaint, like being struck by Cupid’s arrow. Actually, it was more like Michael Corleone being struck by “the thunderbolt”. Or more accurately, like that scene in a cartoon when the male character spots a real dish.

She left her number with Mrs. Hazel the manager, since she was looking for work. I quickly wrote it down and the rest, as they say, is history. Three years later, I proposed, she said yes and that June we walked down the aisle. Little did I know how  a chance meeting in a grocery store was going to change the rest of my life.

We got married when I was still in college, planning on going to law school.  I have wondered many  times what her Daddy was thinking when he let me marry her when he did. We have laughed about that a lot over the past 32 years.  I think one of the things that has helped us grow together over the years is the fact that we got married when we literally had nothing.  We were young and in love and that’s all that seemed to matter. Jo Ann likes to  say that we helped raise each other, and I guess she is right about that.

We have had some good times and a few rough times over the years.  But the good has far, far outweighed the bad.  And, like gold, a going through the fire at times will purify a good relationship.  We’ve had a lot of fun.  We’ve raised three wonderful sons, all of whom seem to have turned out more or less normal. We like to travel together, have a lot of the same interests, but are both smart enough to know that there can be such a thing as too much togetherness. We are secure enough to give each other space, but always enjoy spending time together.

I also like the fact that she is not a girly girl. That is good since she is the mother of boys and the best Boy Scout I know.

We have learned a lot over the years.  Romantic love is fine and certainly has its place.  But being there for each other, through good times and bad is so much more important. Fights and disagreements are inevitable, but never go to sleep mad at each other. And making up can be a lot of fun!   Sometimes it’s best to keep your mouth shut, even when you think you are right. Each of you have to put the other one first, every time, all the time. Love is patient and kind. Love keeps no record of wrongs. It is not jealous and does not go looking for a fight. I found all that and more when I found Jo Ann.

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We have grown to love each other and each other’s families like they were our own blood.  There is a lot to be said for that. We used the Song of Ruth in our wedding.  I am not sure either one of us really understood what it meant then, but over the years it has become even more special. “For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried.”

Valentine’s Day is special to me. More so since I have had the gift of love all these years. I could go on an on about what our relationship has meant to me. But, I think it can best be summed up by  the great John Wayne in “McClintock”, when he is talking about marriage to his daughter Becky:

“because all the gold in the United States Treasury and all the harp music in heaven can’t equal what happens between a man and a woman with all that growin’ together. I can’t explain it any better than that.”

Neither can I Duke. Neither can I.

Happy Valentine’s Day Baby!