This morning I had to drive across South Louisiana to Jennings to attend a memorial service for a law school classmate of mine. I headed West on I-10, by myself and alone with my thoughts. Taking the Interstate across Acadianna is is a long, boring drive. Usually I have someone with me to talk to and pass the time, but not today. When I am driving alone, it usually makes me start thinking. I am, and always have been, a deep thinker. In fact, I even chose a profession where people pay me for, in large part, just sitting around thinking about things. It tends to expand your mind. It may even help fight off dementia, or so I have heard.
So as I crossed the Mississippi River on I-10 I began an odyssey of thought. I think one of the problems with the modern world is that there are no philosophers left and people don’t share philosophy enough. So, I am going to share with you some deep questions that troubled me on my trip. So here goes.
1. Who is Horace Wilkinson and why is the new Mississippi River bridge named after him?
2. Why do they still call it the “new Bridge” when it is almost as old as I am?
3. If the built another bridge across the river near baton rouge, what are we going to call the “old bridge’?
4. What are those enormous round white things on the north side of the bridge that look like giant bosoms?
5. Why do old ladies insist on driving 60 mph in the left hand lane?
6. Where are my cigarettes?
7. Is “Gross Tete” Cajun French for “big boobs”?
8. How much concrete did it take to build the Atchafalaya basin bridge?
9. How serious are they about that 60 mph speed limit?
10. How come nobody else out here can drive as good as me?
11. Why do you always have to go to the bathroom when you hit the basin bridge?
12. How did some of these people get a drivers license?
13. Who is Carrol Fulmer and where did he get all those trucks?
14. What happened to my cigarettes?
15. What is in all those trucks on the interstate?
16. Why do I always pass the Acadianna Welcome Center before I realize it was there?
17. You think DOTD could at least put a Port-A-Pot out here, wouldn’t you?
18. Does anybody know where ‘the bridge’ in Breaux Bridge is?
19. I have 3 packs of cigarettes in this truck, why can’t I find at least one of them?
20. Why does my truck ride better at 83 mph that it does at 77 mph?
21. Why do the call it Whiskey Bay if it just has water in it?
22. Should I check to make sure?
23. Why is gas cheaper in Lafayette than it is in Baton Rouge?
24. Why does Louisiana have such crappy roads?
25. Now that I found my cigarettes, what in the h*ll happened to my lighter?
26. Who would actually buy a car that color?
27. Where else but around Lafayette, Louisiana can you see 10 different billboards advertising separate places that sell boudin and cracklings?
28. How can something as good as cracklings be so bad for you?
29. Is there any way to make low-fat cracklings?
30. Why would you name a restaurant The Rice Palace?
31. How good can the free lunch buffet at the Crazy Horse Cabaret actually be?
32. Whys is Jennings so far from Lafayette?
33. Do they really need an exit for East Crowley?
34. What happened to my #@&* cigarettes?
35. Since there is a 2 mile and an 1 mile sign, do we really need to know that it is 1/2 mile to the Duson exit?
36. Why are the surface roads west of Lafayette so much straighter than they are around Denham Springs?
37. Why is there a town in Jefferson Davis Parish named after Raymond Brooks?
38. Are we the only state that has a county or parish named after both Abraham Lincoln and Jefferson Davis?
39. Who is Cecilia Henderson and why does she get her own sign on the interstate?
40. Why are people so upset about Tony the Tiger living in a cage by that truck stop?
41. Would they be happier if they made Tony a ‘free range’ tiger?
42. What idiot designed the traffic flow coming across the New Bridge into Baton Rouge?
Yes my friends, many, many questions, but few answers. But sometimes it is just important to ask the questions.